In the past few years, I find that I am repeatedly questioned regarding the reason behind my perpetual smile. My irrepressible joy seems to take people by surprise; especially those who are familiar with the heartbreak I have suffered. You see, in December 2003 my beloved twenty one year old son made the irreversible decision to take his own life. And when Stephen closed his eyes on this world; the light went out of mine. For two months following Stephen's death, I was tormented by one relentless question: "Where is my son now?" and I didn't know the answer.

I am intimately familiar with the mind-numbing terror, the crippling regret, and the suffocating despair of thinking that one so dearly loved might be spending eternity in hell. My pain was deepened by the knowledge that my halfhearted and sporadic attempts to live my Christian faith before him had failed to provide Stephen with the spiritual foundation he desperately needed to overcome the trials and temptations of life. I had failed my son in the most important responsibility I had to him. 

Although I had done nothing at all to deserve such Grace, God reached into this pit of hopelessness, tenderly raised me up and placed my feet on the solid ground of His Word. He has confirmed to me repeatedly that my precious son is safely by His side and because of the choice each of us made to accept Christ as Savior, Stephen and I have the promise of a glorious reunion and of spending eternity with the One who made such glory possible. The peace that accompanies such a revelation has instilled within me a happiness that exists completely independent of my daily circumstances.

The intense love and radiant glory of God's presence within me overwhelms me. He spills from my heart, colors my thoughts, words, and behavior and carries me safely through the pain, fear, and trials that are an unavoidable part of life in this fallen world. Because of Him, I possess a joy that cannot be contained!

So, the short answer to the question of how I can be so happy in the midst of such heartache and brokenness is this: My life was shattered, God restored it, and I am so thrilled about what He has done for me that nothing can erase the smile from my face!

Are you in need of similar deliverance today?