Have you ever felt blinded by the perfectly obvious? God revealed something to me this morning so extraordinary it took my breath away and yet so simple, I cannot imagine why I didn’t realize it sooner. Actually, I do know why. I have developed enough experience with God to know He opens my eyes to truth when He has brought me to the place where I am ready to deal with it. So what is this spectacular truth?
For several months now I have been struggling with an increasingly restless feeling and an inner certainty that I am not doing everything God wants me to do in service to Him. Yet, when I examine my activities, it is clear they center on Him. My time is filled with writing books and messages, speaking to church congregations and women’s groups, television and radio interviews, attending Christian conferences and training seminars, sharing Him with strangers or casual acquaintances using evangelistic bookmarks, saturating my life with His presence through prayer and Bible study, and financially supporting the work of other ministries. At times, my life is literally a whirlwind of Christian activity! Yet, I could clearly sense God saying to me, “You are not doing what I want you to do.”
“But what do You want me to do?” I wondered.
The answer began to unfold for me three weeks ago. I was attending a three day School of Evangelism at the Billy Graham Training Center at The Cove in Asheville, NC. I arrived Tuesday afternoon, checked into my room and boarded the shuttle for the short ride over to the training facility. Once there, I enjoyed a wonderful evening that included great fellowship, outstanding worship and training, and a delicious dinner.
By the time I prepared for bed several hours later, I was eagerly anticipating the seminars scheduled for the following day; particularly one entitled, “The Battle for a Generation” by Ron Hutchcraft which promised a practical and effective approach to bridging the gap between God’s church and lost young people. This one immediately captured my attention and I made a note about the time and place it was scheduled. I went to sleep feeling great and also grateful to have this amazing opportunity.
Oh, how quickly things can change! I awoke early the following morning to the sound of the alarm clock and immediately realized something was very wrong. The room was spinning, my head was pounding and my stomach felt terrible. I made myself get into the shower and managed to get dressed but by the time I was supposed to leave for the first seminar, I realized I couldn’t do it. I lay down on the bed and resolved to try again in time for the next seminar. Three different times throughout the morning I attempted to get up but each time was forced back to bed.
In tears, I questioned God about why He would allow this to happen. I had no doubt I was supposed to be here and confident I was supposed to participate in the 3:00 seminar by Ron Hutchcraft. The power of that conviction was undeniable yet I felt too sick to leave my room! I called my husband and told him what was happening. Since I feared feeling even worse the following day when I would have to check out, I told him I should probably just give up on attending the training and attempt to drive home before nightfall.
Jasper offered to drive to Asheville so He could follow me home but his next words resonated in my heart and caused me to immediately change my mind. He said, “Debbie, do you think this is some sort of a test?” I thought about the powerful training I was missing as a result of my sudden, mysterious illness and resolved that unless God allowed Satan to drop me in the floor before leaving my room, I would not miss any more of it.
A short time later, I was seated in the auditorium still feeling terrible but at least I was there. As Ron began to speak about the hopelessness that characterizes the lives of today’s youth and of the desperate need they feel for a love that will never fail, I realized why Satan had been so determined to prevent me from hearing this message. With these inspired words, God engraved an arrow upon my heart that clearly pointed to the work He wants me to do and explained the reason for my restlessness.
I have been privileged to be used by God to reach many hearts for Him through the doors He has opened for me. I am grateful for each one. Yet, He has revealed to me that all of my activities carry a common characteristic – they allow me to maintain a safe distance from those I minister to. Although I care deeply and have been on my face before God in prayer for their needs, I am not personally invested in their lives. I deliver a message and then I move on to the next group.
This distance has allowed me to protect my heart; a heart that has been completely shattered and then knit back together again with the unbreakable thread of God’s love and faithfulness. In the past four years, God has held my heart in “His incubator”. He has fed me with His Word and strengthened me for the day I would be ready to leave the security of sharing His light in a relatively “safe environment”. He sheltered me until I was ready to venture into the kind of service for Him that exposes my heart once again to disappointment, rejection, and loss.
I needed that time in His incubator and, quite honestly, a big part of me wants to stay right where I am but I can’t. Not because He won’t let me but because I have experienced the life-changing power of His love. Possessing such a precious gift means I cannot stay in my comfort zone if my choice for security translates into allowing others to die without Him. If I am going to make a real impact for Him, keeping a safe distance is not going to work. I must get personally involved.
My conversation with Him this morning shed light on the problem. I was contemplating a meeting I had yesterday with the leader of a Christian organization dedicated to evangelizing and equipping youth for the kingdom of Christ. It appears that God may be creating an opportunity for me to become personally involved with ministering to these kids and I was evaluating the risk to myself.
I said to Him, “Lord, I think I know where you are leading with this. What if I am not ready? I am comfortable with the way things are. The people closest to me are saved and love the Lord. I don’t have anyone in my life right now that is making bad choices, engaging in risky life-threatening behavior, or abusing drugs and alcohol. I don’t go to bed fearing I will receive another call in the night that will rip out my heart and devastate my world and, furthermore, I like it this way!”
As soon as the words entered my mind, I realized the magnitude of what I had said and felt overcome with shame.
Jesus gently asked, “Is this how you reach a lost world; sharing light with those who already have light? Surrounding yourself with those who will affirm and support you? Is your purpose to make your life secure or to allow Me to make your life meaningful?”
This morning, I surrendered my “safe place” to God. I have resolved I will risk my heart again for the sake of reaching lost kids. I will enter this “Battle for the minds, hearts, and eternities” of these kids because they are worth it. If Satan destroys other lives it will not be because I have defaulted in my responsibility. Even if I am confronted with everything I fear, I realize with Him living within me, I can never be completely broken again.
How will you respond to the needs of the lost around you? Will you stay in your “safe place” or will you accept the risk to your heart and get personally involved? Accept the challenge with me and join those already working in the trenches! The value of a precious soul is far too high of a price to pay for the illusion of security.
In Ron’s book, The Battle for a Generation, he shares a story of a visit he made to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. There he learned of an organization called the US Life Saving Service, a forerunner to today’s Coast Guard. These brave individuals were willing to regularly risk everything, including their very lives, to rescue the drowning because they had “heard the cries of the dying”. In response to this desperate need, their motto became, “You have to go out. You don’t have to come back.”
How deep of a commitment are we willing to make to Christ, the One who gave everything because of His great love for us? Will we agree to go out…risk everything… and trust the outcome to Him?
(By the way, I woke up the day after the seminar feeling great again. Classic example of spiritual warfare!)
